I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
