I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
