totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
