Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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