im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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