I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
