Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize