There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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