fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
