I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
