I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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