Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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