It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
