There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize