i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
