I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
