Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
