They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
