She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
