You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
