Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
