I have demons in me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
