Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
