I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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