Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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