I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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