doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
