If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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