Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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