You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
