Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
