I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize