i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
