I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That accounts for only three of the penises
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
