Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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