You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
