we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
