Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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