Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
