I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
