Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
