I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
