im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
