is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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