Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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