Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
