Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
