Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
