forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
