It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
