Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
