I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
