You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
