You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
