girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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