great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
