I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
