Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
