OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
