dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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