I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
