hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
