Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Less talking, more tequila
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
