we have officially lost it.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize