Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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