In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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