There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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