I cannot find my penis.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
