This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
