i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just invented taco cereal.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize