OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
