No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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