watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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