Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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