And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
