My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i think my cat just said my name.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
