dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
