2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
