Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
