actually, I'm a sock model
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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