im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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