Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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