Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize