Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
