if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
