Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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