he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
