I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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