Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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