After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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