I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
