just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
