And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
