the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
