my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
