Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
