Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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