Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
