it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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