Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
