I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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