Already got asked if we're dating
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
