The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize