I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
