spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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