This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
