went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
