Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
