kristin has been a bad kristin
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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