my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
this is an emotional support booty call
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
