I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
