Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The Olympian is in my bed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
