drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
