Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
