yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
