Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
