fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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