I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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