First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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