And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize