Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
