Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
