Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im holly from the hills drunk
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Boobs speak an international language.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
