I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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