we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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