in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
