Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
