Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
