The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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