They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
